Glass Imenagerie

MySpace

MySpace rocks my world. Check me out, I'm morningstarr85. Another random name, I know, but that blog has a lot more recent entries.

Anyways, just for the record... I'm doing really well. I love my classes, I enjoy my friends, and everything's really pretty peaceful. There are some annoyances, distractions... guys, the internet.... but overall it's good. I think I'm not going abroad until the summer, and then I'll go to Mexico not Chile. I think I like archaeology and will end up as a field archaeologist. It looks crazycool to me.

So I'm feeling very optimistic right now but I'm also wondering about the future of civilization. An article we read for class says that population goes in cycles and we're pretty much doomed for a population crash. Our book talks about how people ruin the environment. National Geo says we're gonna get this pandemic chicken flu. And Rita and Katrina seem to prove that the world's weather is out to get us. So, we'll see. I bet the world will end around 2156. That's when the predictors said the population will hit 12 billion. BAM.

I'm still alive...

 Davidson sucks. It saps your energy and draws out your deepest reserves of self-worth and leaves you a weary shell. All the same I'm glad to be back. But I think the happiest I've been is on the road, on the journey, I'm afraid of destinations, I'm afraid of this destination. I'm afraid of finality. And right now I'm babbling because I'm so drained - but it's a meaningful philosophic babbling, if you read closely. Ciao.

I'm leaving on Thursday to head back to Davidson. Yay for school. I've been a little stressed lately getting ready for some things but all in all I am looking forward to being around people my own age - namely, my friends. I've enjoyed my family and Colorado. I am SO glad we moved here, there is tons more to do out west than in suburban houston. The one drawback is, no friends. Of course I guess it's better than having friends in Houston but not seeing them cuz they don't want to see you or scheduling conflicts. I'm still being spectacularly unproductive but no surprise there. I do a lot of staring.... into.... space.........

Oh, there is another drawback. Wild animals. I saw 3 bears last night, a mama and two cubs. They were between me and the house. That was one of the scariest walks ever, even knowing how unlikely it is that a black bear will tackle you. All the dogs were barking... And today we found out someone saw a mountain lion on the "mountain" behind us. They warned us cuz of my 5-yr-old sis. So, exciting. Think I'll have to curtail my lonely twilight wanderings, not because of real and present danger but for sheer peace of mind. I won't have to worry about that in Davidson though! Just the mafia!

I spent the last 7 weeks at a program called CityLights in St. Louis. I think I need to make a note of it because it was a watershed event in my life. The whole thing is an "Urban Internship" thru IV, the fellowship I'm involved with. CityLights is unique in that, as someone said, the director tries to get you to serve and love the city rather than simply break you. I mean, you do end up recognizing how "broken" people are, how unfixable outside of faith, but it doesn't push you to despair...

At first I was really reluctant to buy in because I hate feel-bad Christianity. Feel-good Christianity is pretty bad - lukewarm, blind to injustice, the kind of church that would allow racial segregation while preaching up a storm. But feel-bad Christianity, in my opinion, planted you firmly in a state of guilt, hating yourself and not being good enough and trying and trying and still not measuring up.... It seems to defeat the point of being a Christian. I mean, what benefit do you get if you turn to a religion that makes you hurt all the time?

This summer has shown me that it's not feel-bad Christianity as much as it is Christ-centered Christianity. That means recognizing your ugliness, like the sinners He associated with. We are all messed-up... but He loves us regardless of that. We have nothing, nothing to give him, nothing that would make us intrinsically worth fighting for. But he gives us His righteousness.

And there I go preaching. And I know this disclaimer won't win back anyone who's already zoned out, and it's actually not really a disclaimer because I believe every word I just wrote. But I concede, it sounds very dogmatic, and Christianity is about lifestyle.

I don't know what it's gonna look like to go back to school. I feel very convicted about racial reconciliation, I've always run away "give people space!" but now I see that was just fear of being the minority and that is wrong. Also - urban ministry? Do I go to grad school? Do I become a nurse? Where is God calling me?

Well, anyways, it's good to be back but I see now that this is probably not where I'm going to end up.

P.S. Also important. I had a car-wreck-problem, basically my latch fell off, my hood flew up on the highway, it needed replacing... so my car is in St. Louis and I am in Colorado Springs. Yay planes.